What Is Working Memory (and Why It Matters for ADHD Kids)?
Working memory is our brain’s mental sticky note. It’s what allows us to hold information in our minds just long enough to use it, like remembering the next step in getting dressed, keeping track of the instructions we’ve just been given or following along in class.
For many people, working memory is so natural they don’t even realise they’re using it. For ADHD children, working memory gets overloaded quickly. They might hear what you say, but the information doesn’t stay long enough to act on it. This isn’t about laziness, defiance or not listening, it’s how their brain processes information.
How Working Memory Challenges Show Up at Home
Parents often describe their ADHD child as forgetful, distracted, or “never listening”. But when we look closer, these are often signs of working memory overload.
Here’s what that can look like in everyday life:
- “I told you to put on your shoes!” - five times already.
Your child may have heard the instruction but lost track of what came next. - They forget what they were doing halfway through a task.
For example, they start brushing their teeth, notice the toothpaste lid is off, and suddenly they’re reorganising the bathroom shelf. - They can’t remember multi-step instructions.
“Get your homework, pack your bag, then grab your coat” is too many steps to hold at once.
These are just the examples at home, school relies heavily on working memory, remembering what lesson you have next and what equipment you need, copying from the board, remembering instructions or what the teacher just said so you know what to say when the teacher picks on you. Whilst working memory is the struggle the impact is much greater, a child may fear punishments like detentions, feel shame or embarrassment when classmates laugh or feel worthless when they’re called lazy.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone and your child isn’t choosing to forget. Their working memory simply has limited capacity, and when it’s full, things fall out.
Why ADHD Affects Working Memory
ADHD impacts the brain’s executive functioning, the set of skills that help us plan, remember, and regulate ourselves. Working memory is one of those key executive functions.
When the brain struggles to filter distractions and hold onto short-term information, children find it hard to follow instructions, keep track of what they’re doing, remember what they need for school and complete homework without constant reminders.
You can think of it like a browser with too many tabs open, the system slows down, crashes or loses the one tab you actually need.
As Dr Russel Barkley famously said, ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do but a disorder of doing what you know. Our children know what is expected of them, classes to teach them that won’t help. They struggle to do what they know they are supposed to do and working memory is one of the challenges that contributes to that. A child may know the consequence, they may know they do not want to do something that will get them into trouble but lack of impulse control prevents them from accessing this information to make the right decision.
Practical Ways Parents Can Support Working Memory
Knowing that a child is struggling with doing what they know does not mean we do nothing about it. It does mean that punishments are likely to have very little effect because punishments assume a child made a choice and that the punishment will teach them to do the right thing in future.
Supporting working memory is not about working harder, it’s about working with your child’s brain rather than against it and that means adjusting our parenting and teaching them practical strategies. There is no evidence that teaching or practicing will improve working memory, however there are techniques to scaffold poor working memory, a bit like using a crutch when you have a broken leg.
Here are some simple, ADHD-friendly strategies that make a real difference at home:
1. Keep Instructions Short and Clear
Give one step at a time.
Instead of: “Go upstairs, brush your teeth, get dressed and make your bed,” try: “Go brush your teeth.”
Once that’s done, give the next step.
2. Use Visual Reminders
Visuals help transfer memory from mental to physical.
- Create morning or bedtime routine charts with pictures
- Use sticky notes or whiteboards for daily tasks
- Try visual timers to show how long a task lasts
3. Build Predictable Routines
Repetition reduces memory load. When your child follows the same order every day - wake up, get dressed, breakfast, brush teeth - it becomes automatic and needs less working memory.
4. Encourage Note-Taking or “External Memory”
Older children can learn to write things down, use checklists, or voice notes.
The goal is to move what’s in their head to something visible. Voice notes are a short term tool when you don’t have a pen to hand, one problem with them is they’re not visible, however, if you’re in the middle of something a voice note might just be the thing that holds that thought until you get to pen and paper.
5. Give Gentle Prompts
Instead of “I told you already!” try, “What do you need to do next?” or “Let’s look at your checklist together.” This helps them rebuild their memory trail without shame.
6. Reduce Distractions During Key Tasks
When they’re trying to remember something, limit extra noise or visual clutter. If you’re asking what they want for dinner, don’t then go on to tell them about something else whilst they’re thinking about it. Or you may need to wait until a pause moment in their game or TV programme before asking.
How Understanding Working Memory Can Change Family Life
When you see forgetfulness as a working memory challenge rather than bad behaviour, everything shifts. You’ll notice fewer battles, less frustration and more opportunities to help your child succeed.
You’re not just teaching them to remember, you’re teaching them how to build systems that support their brain. That’s an incredible life skill that will help them well beyond childhood.
We can teach these skills not just by doing it for them but modelling for us as well, whether you have ADHD or not as a parent, the more you’re holding in your working memory the less capacity you have. Externalise for yourself too, write lists, set reminders, organise your home and systems to work for your brain too.
Supporting You to Support Them
If you’d like tailored support to make these strategies work in your home, my 1:1 home consultations can help you design routines, visuals, and tools that fit your family.
Because when we understand the “why” behind behaviour, like working memory, we stop fighting against it and start building a calmer, more connected home.